Roy Anthony Shabla - dear

dear

I just woke up from a dream where I was just beginning to write you a letter
and you telephoned

and I said to you
I was just beginning to write you this letter and you said oh yeah
what does it say
and I told you how the letter begins
and now it has

it is something like the picture
on the box of cereal
of a man holding a box of cereal
on which there is a picture of the man holding a box of cereal

on which there is a picture of the man holding a box of cereal

and so on forever

like the eyes of the lady of quadalupe that contain an image
of the lady of quadalupe
with eyes that contain the image

of the lady of quadalupe and so on

and so it goes
and so the letter begins and so the dream continues

but in the dream
I was just beginning to write you this letter when you called
and I said to you
I was just beginning to write you this letter and I told you how the letter begins
and so it has

and it was at this point
at this exact point in the dream that you called

but now you don’t

it was at this point in my dream
that you called to ask me how I am
not so much to know how I am
but just to ask
and to ask if I would like to go out for a drink because I have been asking you to go out
or stay in
for a drink of something
for some time now
and you wanted to
or you just wanted to ask
or so it goes

and it was at this point
that I woke up from my dream
and began to write you this letter
which begins by telling you
I just woke up from a dream
where I was just beginning to write you a letter and you telephoned
and I said to you
I was just beginning to write you this letter
and told you how the letter begins
and so it is just beginning

but you do not call and so it ends, ***
p. s.

I am sitting on the sofa where I dreamt of you. I am sitting on the sofa
where I began to write to you.
I am sitting on the sofa

where I dreamt I began to write to you. I am sitting on the sofa
where I dreamt you called.
I am sitting on the sofa

where I dreamt I began to write to you...
and you called.
I am sitting on the sofa
I was sitting on when I day-dreamt you called. I am sitting on the sofa

I was sitting on in the dream where you called.

I am sitting on the sofa where you did not call.

I am sitting on the sofa
where I began to write to you... that I dreamt of writing to you and you called...

but you did not call.

I am sitting on the sofa...
and looking out the window /
and not looking out the window /
and looking at a tree out the window / and not looking at a tree,
not looking out the window at a tree / looking out the window at a tree
but thinking of you,
looking out the window thinking of you / not looking out the window,
not looking at a tree,
not looking at a tree out the window, not thinking of you.

I am sitting on the sofa
looking out the window at a tree and thinking of the seasons: spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer, autumn, winter,
and so on...

something like that song
the children sing over and over again until it seems to go on forever:

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ~life is but a dream.

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ~life is but a dream.

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

~life is but a dream.

row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
~life is but...

and so on.

but it stops. or is stopped.

as children grow up
and go on to other songs,
it is stopped.
when suddenly you realize
you cannot take it anymore,
or give it anymore,
it is stopped.
like a phonograph record
skipping, skipping, skipping

when you just cant get up to fix it... but you do.

the skipping goes on and on and on until you do something about it... or go crazy.

so you heave your hulking mass or your quivering-leaf mass
up from the couch
or the recliner lounge

or the day-bed in the corner and you move across the room of your life
however you particularly move
and you give the needle a flick...

or so it goes.

but I am sitting on the sofa where I:

dream write dream write dream dream write dream

dream
write dreams write dreams write dreams

and I look out the window at a tree, at the seasons:
spring, summer, autumn, winter... and I think of you.

and so I am sitting on the sofa, looking out the window at a tree, and thinking of you...
and thinking of you...

spring, summer, autumn, winter... on this sofa
***

I am writing you this letter about my dream
of writing you this letter so when I dream

you interrupt my writing you a letter
with a telephone call
and I wake and begin to write you a letter about my dream

you will call

it is something like stroking a piece of steel with a magnet
to make the piece of steel
act like a magnet

and it will

or like a hypnotist offering a client
the suggestion
to be a boat gently floating down stream and the client feels the soft movement of water all around

or so it goes

and so I offer you the suggestion to dream sweet dreams of me

as I dream of you

and I will send you this letter
about my dream of writing you this letter so you will act as you acted in my dream and you will call

because if I write you this letter
and I send you this letter about my dream of writing you this letter
you will have my dream
and you will begin to have my dream
and you will dream of me
as I dream of you
and you will dream of me
as I am dreaming of you
and you will dream of me
when I am dreaming of you
and when I dream
you interrupt my writing you a letter
with a telephone call
and I wake and begin to write you a letter about my dream

you will dream of me and you will wake and you will call

and so when I dream
you interrupt my writing you a letter
with a telephone call
you will dream of dreaming of me
and in the dream you will wake and you will call

then you will wake and you will call

to ask me how I am
not so much to know how I am but just to ask
and to ask
if I would like to go out for a drink with you
because you will have been dreaming my dream
and I have been dreaming
of asking you to go out
or stay in

for a drink of something and hoping to stay in
for a dream of something and so on forever

for some time now
or so it goes and so it goes

but I am sitting on the sofa
where I just woke up from a dream where I just woke up from a dream and I am sitting on the sofa

where I just woke up from a dream...

where I was just beginning to write you this letter when you telephoned
and I said to you

I was just beginning to write you this letter and I told you how the letter begins
and so it does

and I just woke up from that dream and I am really writing you this letter but you don’t call

and it is something like when the coyote chases the road runner
through a door
and the road runner passes easily through the door

but when the coyote opens it there is another door there and when he opens that door there is another door

and behind that one there is another door and another
and another

and another and so on

until he runs smack into a brick wall

or so it goes

and so you passed easily out the door of my room

without the slightest hesitation
at my lips
and as I tried and tried and tried
to enter your life and enter your heart

I ran into a wall of ice

again and again
and over and over again or so it goes

and so I sat down on the sofa
and I looked out the window at the tree there

and as the seasons passed
I fed my dream of you
and I worshipped my dream of you and I chased my dream of you through doors and windows
and up staircases and down
and on and on
and so on

to no avail and so it goes

but I just woke up from that dream I just woke up from a dream

I just lost something dear

I just woke up from a dream...

~~~~

dear
a short film by roy anthony shabla

words by ras
excerpted from libretti lumi

music by ras
excerpted from glass words

pre-production by gabriel armenta and celina armenta post-production by andrew j walquist

copyright © 2016 royanthonyshabla.com

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